I've decided something, I'm going to attempt to stick with this, yet again, and try to keep myself posting pretty regularly. I don't know i it will succeed, but I'm going to try. I guess I've just gotten to the point where I need to pour my emotions out in words, because there are quite a few emotions, and quite a few words to describe them. One thing I do have to say --before I continue-- is that, while I try to keep a positive outlook on life, sometimes, I am in a bad place, and I apologize for subjecting you to that. Right now, my life basically just plain SUCKS. Look at that, you got all three, Bold, Italicized, AND underlined :p. But seriously, it's not a joyride. I wish I could tell you otherwise. HOWEVER, I am in marching band right now, and that is keeping me joyful, even in hardships, I have that escape, that refuge, that cool, dark, quiet room in a world of utter chaos<3<3<3 But when I'm not marching, life is pretty crappy, I'm alone yet again, I'm being forced into staying in a situation that I just want to escape, and I'm ready to just....*~poof~* (the sound of me spontaneously evaporating) I keep my emotions to myself for the most part, and quite honestly, it's like dragging fiery claws along the lining of my mind, tearing the spinal cord from my cerebrum, slowly, and painfully. My mind is no longer a sanctuary, but a place of torment. Yet, the two are becoming synonomous really. My torment is becoming kind of safe, comfortable, and not obtrusive. That scares me more than anything... I just hope that I come out of this situation better than when I went into it. Gah... I just need to remember: Love is stronger than hate, healing stronger than pain. I'm going to repeat what I've stated in earlier posts. To anyone reading this, if you are struggling with life right now, you are not alone, I'm right there with you, and I love you. Keep your head high, and know that life will be okay<3
~Malachi~

That's just how it goes~

Welp, I know I haven't posted in several months, and I got one comment, (which I appreciated, hearing from someone at all is encouraging, especially if it's positive, so THANK YOU). But I thought I'd put something up again, just some of my thoughts about life. I just want to say, if you're reading this, and you're going through a tough time, You are NOT alone. I'm there with you, along with countless others, so keep your head high, there are people like you. I've been contemplating on my life a lot recently. I've realized a couple things that, to put it quite simply, are discouraging. I follow my heart, a lot, and in some situations, that get's me in some deep waters. Countless times I have put other people before myself, even if that means compromising my beliefs, and I find myself in a stage of regret. I'm looking at myself and thinking, "What have I done?" I've done some things that I wish I hadn't. I can never take it back and say, "you know what, I've decided that was a bad idea" No, it's gone forever, and looking at my life in dual vision, both in foresight and retrospect, I realize that I very well may have ruined my chances of a future that I never saw until recently. It's just snapping me into a reality that's quite depressing. I don't know if I can still rescue my life, but the chances aren't looking bright. Now, physically, I'll be fine, I'm not going to die because of the choices I've made, but, emotionally, I'm already a disaster. I see the future that I want, and I can't pursue that future. It isn't my fear (which is quite extensive, might I add) It's the fact that I am so destroyed emotionally, and I'm not ready to handle it yet.. I guess I'm kinda just hinting at it, sorry for that, but I'm not ready to put it out for the public to see. Sometime I'll put down into words, just what that future is, and why I'm not pursuing it yet. But until then, I need to get my head screwed on straight. So wish me luck, and remember, no matter what the situation, you aren't alone <3 I promise.
~Malachi~

Love. Hate. And All The Spaces In Between

Some people believe in love at first sight. I personally don't. Because in the case of love at first sight. You'd need to be able to see. This would really suck for blind people. I'm being totally real right now. To look at someone and know you love them is shallow. It's all based on appearance. Now. I do believe in falling in love after one conversation, I believe in soul mates, I believe in love that never dies. But love at first sight is simple lust and infatuation. So tell me, what makes these things the perfect premise for sappy romances. Nobody should ever think, "Oh you're sexy, I'm in love with you instantly.". No, that's not what love is. Love is caring for someone so deeply that you would give your life to see theirs improve. Love is putting someone in front of your own needs because your needs don't matter when they're in question, but love isn't confined to a human that we want to marry, or be with forever either. Love transcends all boundaries. It gives us a heart for those in need. Whether they be unfortunate children in third world countries, or friends in sad circumstances, or anyone you want to help. It's a fantastic thing isn't it? That our flesh and bones can contain a feeling so strong it defies our need for self comfort and turns us into something we could never have expected to be. Love is the only four letter word that contains more meaning than the entire English language put together. Some may say, "That's ridiculous. Hate is more powerful," well I'm here to disagree. The love of one person can heal the hatred of all the rest. Another thing, hate is nothing more than love that's been scorned. People say that love and hate are opposites. That's not true. Love and hate are so similar it's unreal. They're both a fiery passion for another human. While love and apathy, now those are opposites. Apathy is a sad... sad thing. When someone has been so hurt that they stop caring. It shows a past of betrayal, pain, destruction. Apathy isn't stronger than love however. Love can take a past of sadness and turn a life around. Turn it into something wonderful. So, I'm begging you all. Take your life. Use it to touch another. And help them live to the fullest... I will now climb off my soap box. If you took the time to read this. Thank you :) and please feel free to comment any thoughts.

Don't ever underestimate life. It can suck one moment, and become total bliss in the beat of a heart. In all fairness this can happen the other way as well. So imagine, you're walking down the hallway in school. Having a terrible day. Suddenly, you overhear an amusing conversation, a pretty girl smiles back at you when you smile at her, a pretty girl smiles at you first, a pretty BOY smiles at you first, you see a total douchebag trip on his own feet. All these things are day-makers (day-makers - things that make your day awesome.). AHEM, In any case, life is unpredictable. It's not like a period, or the chances of the Cubs winning a world series. It doesn't ever go how we want, or expect, and that can be infuriating. My advice? live in the moment, love the moments that work out well, and cry your eyes out when everything feels wrong, but know it will get better. It helps.

Haven't been on in a while. Sorry 'bout that. I'm back though, and I'm ready to talk about more random things. Such as: kumquats, the smell of cherry blossoms, and the rotation of the universe. All three objects are related in one way. I'm not sure what it is though. Anyway, I have new followers. Thank you so much, I thought it would never happen. but look. IT DID. I've been in a great mood lately and I don't know why. I don't think I care though. In any case I hope someone takes the time to read this. If not I'm just posting boredom and mental vomit. Hey, comment if you want me to write about something specific. because I will. absolutely. I just have creativity issues. Finally, I do apologize, but I just write what'
s on my mind, and it doesn't always flow well. Kay, bye

Jazz!

Okay one more post and I'm done for the day... Jazz... The most amazing form of music there is. I've recently joined back into a jazz club in my school that I did last year, and I still love it. The teacher is fantastic, and the music is great, so after rehearsal I decided to grab an audition paper for next year's jazz band, I'm happy to say I think I'll make it... Enough about that though, I'd appreciate it if anyone reading this sad excuse for a blog that has a passion for jazz, or music in general, give me a shout out, because I love talking to people about music. All I can say is, improvisation is God's greatest gift to man :D Take a buncha random notes. and play your heart out on them. doesn't get much better than that....

Really World?

Sometimes the things I see in life make me sick. Pretty girls talking about how ugly they think they are. Seriously? Dumb, but then I realized what's even worse. Some of them just want attention, while some of them really think they're ugly. So how do you tell which is which?... I'm still not sure, But I'll tell you if I figure it out.... On a brighter note I'm glad I picked this thing back up, because it's actually not too bad... In fact it's pretty enjoyable. In retrospect I started off totally wrong... I just started posting and didn't tell anyone about it hoping some weary traveler would stumble across it on their path. FAIL. I do have a question though... Why on earth do people think it's a good idea to wear pants sagging to their thighs... Anyone? No? Oh well. I'm sorry this whole thing is so random its basically just mental vomit put into words, so now you have insight into the exciting world of Malachi's mind.... Buh bye now.

Settling

Why do we believe in all these lies the world tells us? You're not good enough. You'll never make it. Just aspire to be mediocre like your friends... Well I say no, let's show them who runs our lives... You are a unique creation, yourself, and nobody else. That is the one thing you can hold onto. You will always be yourself, don't ever let anyone change your mind, and shoot for your dreams. They were given to you for a reason. I wrote a little bit of a poem...

Settling...

We settle for lies
We know we can't stay
Just open your eyes
And run far away
From the place that we know
And the things we believe
Someday you'll grow
Out of being naive
The world will tell us
That we'll never make it
But can you really trust
The ones who all fake it?
I'll tell you just once
Don't ever stop trying
Because half of the world
Can't even tell that they're lying...

I am the one percent

It has recently come to my awareness that in terms of blogging, I am a complete freak. Everyone is posting reviews to books and movies, and I'm just posting about life. So tell me, is it that weird to have a blog where you just vent things? because I haven't found many. Anyway, I'm probably gonna write some poetry again soon. Stresses of school and home really grate on me sometimes... and I just to let you know, Sometimes you just have to write, or sing, or play an instrument, or scream in a pillow. It helps, trust me :) Random fact: I hate hate hate the word slice. It disgusts me....

St. Valentine's Day

I know. The last thing anyone wants to hear about after a long day of seeing couples on Valentine's Day is the culprit itself, Valentine's Day. Truth is, I went into this day dreading it, but when I saw people being adorable and sweet, I decided I would have a good day, even though being single is terrible on Valentine's Day. In any case... I won, and had a fantastic day... so I sat here thinking to myself, what if I told myself I would have a good day; Every day of the week :D It'd be awesome. So. my challenge to anyone with the misfortune to read this blog. Start your day out with a smile on your face :)

I'm back

Well I haven't logged on in a while, and I feel like I should drop this blog off the face of the Earth. I'm not gonna though, I'm sick of just getting rid of things that aren't working for me, so challenge accepted:
Bring it on.