I've decided something, I'm going to attempt to stick with this, yet again, and try to keep myself posting pretty regularly. I don't know i it will succeed, but I'm going to try. I guess I've just gotten to the point where I need to pour my emotions out in words, because there are quite a few emotions, and quite a few words to describe them. One thing I do have to say --before I continue-- is that, while I try to keep a positive outlook on life, sometimes, I am in a bad place, and I apologize for subjecting you to that. Right now, my life basically just plain SUCKS. Look at that, you got all three, Bold, Italicized, AND underlined :p. But seriously, it's not a joyride. I wish I could tell you otherwise. HOWEVER, I am in marching band right now, and that is keeping me joyful, even in hardships, I have that escape, that refuge, that cool, dark, quiet room in a world of utter chaos<3<3<3 But when I'm not marching, life is pretty crappy, I'm alone yet again, I'm being forced into staying in a situation that I just want to escape, and I'm ready to just....*~poof~* (the sound of me spontaneously evaporating) I keep my emotions to myself for the most part, and quite honestly, it's like dragging fiery claws along the lining of my mind, tearing the spinal cord from my cerebrum, slowly, and painfully. My mind is no longer a sanctuary, but a place of torment. Yet, the two are becoming synonomous really. My torment is becoming kind of safe, comfortable, and not obtrusive. That scares me more than anything... I just hope that I come out of this situation better than when I went into it. Gah... I just need to remember: Love is stronger than hate, healing stronger than pain. I'm going to repeat what I've stated in earlier posts. To anyone reading this, if you are struggling with life right now, you are not alone, I'm right there with you, and I love you. Keep your head high, and know that life will be okay<3
~Malachi~

That's just how it goes~

Welp, I know I haven't posted in several months, and I got one comment, (which I appreciated, hearing from someone at all is encouraging, especially if it's positive, so THANK YOU). But I thought I'd put something up again, just some of my thoughts about life. I just want to say, if you're reading this, and you're going through a tough time, You are NOT alone. I'm there with you, along with countless others, so keep your head high, there are people like you. I've been contemplating on my life a lot recently. I've realized a couple things that, to put it quite simply, are discouraging. I follow my heart, a lot, and in some situations, that get's me in some deep waters. Countless times I have put other people before myself, even if that means compromising my beliefs, and I find myself in a stage of regret. I'm looking at myself and thinking, "What have I done?" I've done some things that I wish I hadn't. I can never take it back and say, "you know what, I've decided that was a bad idea" No, it's gone forever, and looking at my life in dual vision, both in foresight and retrospect, I realize that I very well may have ruined my chances of a future that I never saw until recently. It's just snapping me into a reality that's quite depressing. I don't know if I can still rescue my life, but the chances aren't looking bright. Now, physically, I'll be fine, I'm not going to die because of the choices I've made, but, emotionally, I'm already a disaster. I see the future that I want, and I can't pursue that future. It isn't my fear (which is quite extensive, might I add) It's the fact that I am so destroyed emotionally, and I'm not ready to handle it yet.. I guess I'm kinda just hinting at it, sorry for that, but I'm not ready to put it out for the public to see. Sometime I'll put down into words, just what that future is, and why I'm not pursuing it yet. But until then, I need to get my head screwed on straight. So wish me luck, and remember, no matter what the situation, you aren't alone <3 I promise.
~Malachi~